Home is the cozy, comforting setting into which you were first brought as a tiny bundle. The first faces you recognized turned out to be your family. And when you left home to start your own family you sought to make a brighter and better replica of that first home and family. Unbeknownst to you, so did your partner. Your idea of family was shaped by hardworking parents who both had full time jobs and shared their earnings. His idea of family was shaped by a single mother who worked her way to an early grave and he decided there and then that his wife would never work. So he tells you to stay home and rear the kids while he works hard and controls the dough. Your parents had a joint bank account, he doesn't let you anywhere near the check book and only wants your list of groceries. The reason he works so hard is so that you do not have to do anything outside the home. It's his way of loving you. The reason you want a job and a joint account is to share the responsibility of running a home. Your parents are confused when you say that it is not working.
At 50 I know that there is no standard way of caring for someone and there is certainly no standard definition of family. So when he says he loves you and wants to start a family ask him to describe exactly what he means - in specific detail.